Not so little anymore

I have a new kind of leverage around here with W. I have to admit that I thought it was really cute last night when he said it for the first time. and I got kind of weepy. It was just yet another moment in time that reminded me that my baby is growing up.

W climbed out of his bath and I wrapped him up in the towel. I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something like, "you are my cute little baby".

"I am not little!" he snapped. "I am big. P is your little baby."

He's right. He's not little anymore...although he will always be my little baby. So, yes, I was sad and it still makes me sad thinking that he is old enough to not want to be my little boy anymore. But oh, the leverage it gives me. My mind is racing. How can I use this to my advantage? The first thing that came to mind was using it to convince him to poo poo in the potty. Only little babies poo poo in their underwear. Big boys poo poo in the potty. Right? Are you with me?

It's getting LOUDER IN THE HOUSE!

Naptime was almost over. I could hear Pman stirring, cooing a bit. As I neared his door I heard W. I had this strange anxiety wrenching reaction run through my body.

How did the LB get out of his crib and into Pman’s room?

He was chattering away although his words were indecipherable. Then I peeked my head in to see just Pman sitting up talking up a storm. It’s usually the loudest right after his nap or after he’s eaten. And it’s usually just babble or AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

(W thinks this is hilarious so he always responds with an outside voice AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” and this can go on for 30 minutes.)

But the past few days Pman is really coming out with some well articulated sounds, which is why I mistook it for W talking to him behind closed doors.

Oh, the joys of boyhood. W is a calm, quiet boy but with the addition of Pman and school he has really come out of his shell. I always prided myself on that fact. The fact that I didn’t have to deal with the rambunctious ness of boys but it seems to be changing. I fear now that my house is going to be one where mothers of dainty little girls will not want to hang out.

Brothers

The past week or so the boys have been really enjoying each other. Of course, sweet W has always kind of taken care of Pman but they seem to be truly bonding. Master P laughs incessantly at W's antics and W gets his share of laughter from Pman's silly doings. A most common refrain we hear is "Pman is funny." Which he is. and "doing!" which means Pman is doing something really funny. Tonight it was Master P who had the giggles as W was playing the peekaboo game with him.


I pray every night that J and I have the wisdom and knowledge to know how to encourage this brotherly love. W often helps me soothe P when he is upset. If he doesn't do it automatically I always enlist his help. I hope by encouraging this behavior now it will continue into their manhood. and if they have each other to go to when they are men I will be the happiest mom around.

The greatest post

I just read the greatest post from Nola Notes' blog. It explains so well how only a mother can know exactly what her baby needs. It gave me the goosebumps. Please read it and tell me you agree.

Alleluia!

J's expecting this post. He gave me a big ole I told you so this evening when the LB drank his milk out of a cup. He's been on a milk boycott since last Thursday. He finally broke tonight. J said he would. It was really sad-because he really did just break down. This afternoon he ate 3 bananas, a pbj sandwhich, a piece of string cheese and when we came home from Mimi and Papa's he asked for his milk. So I gave it to him in his cup. He lost it. Poking his lip out, the works. I have to admit that I was one step away from breaking down myself and giving him his bottle back. All I wanted to do was make him feel better. But I didn't and as we were eating dinner, and he was eating some veggie nuggets he reached over and took a big swig of milk. I guess he was thirsty and he needed something to wash down the nuggets and from there he kept swigging away. I heard angels singing.

False Alarm

I thought I was having the baby yesterday. It was actually perfect timing because I had a doctor's appointment, too. So I was relatively calm, relieved almost, even though I had nothing organized. When I called J to tell him his was response was,

"It's really not a good time. The tv is being installed today and I have a pretty important hearing tomorrow. But is the camera charged up?....oh, and after you charge the camera could you run to the store and get me something for dinner?"

He was joking, of course, the crazy guy that he is.

W overheard me talking about how I might not come back from the doctor's office and he became hysterical. I felt horrible. It was so sad and it hit home how much I will miss the LB while I'm away.

But the doctor said I was wrong and that I will probably make it until the scheduled day. Damn!

The teacher said W had another good day at school! but that he knows when it's time to go home and waits at the door. I am thankful that he is where he is because they have been very patient and communicative, working through the little bumps in the road. and I can see progress in his development too. He's constructing more with his legos rather than just putting a few together (seems like he's using his imagination more) and chit chatting like nobody's business.

I pulled up as they were coming out and there was my baby walking down the steps all by himself with his bookbag slung over his shoulder. AND he had a smile before it turned into an expression of deep concentration as he went down one step at a time. I got such a wierd feeling. I can't describe it but I'm not ready for him to grow up.

When I look out the window it looks like fall. It doesn't feel like fall but the sky is blue and everything looks so crisp. I know it's just wishful thinking. With fall comes the germs and colds. Of course, the LB hasn't been in school a week and he already has a cold. Luckily, the doctor told me it was okay to send him to school (which is where he got it anyway) so I didn't have to interrupt his new routine, one that we are trying to so hard to make him enjoy. I know, I've become one of those parents that I hate. The kind that sends their kid to school with a runny nose only to infect everyone else but my intentions are truly very unselfish. It's not because I have something else to do since I pick him up almost as soon as I drop him off. It's all because I want him to adjust to school. It's the worst feeling in the world to get him out in the carpool line and have him hang on to me like there's no tomorrow. I guess that does make me selfish, but...

I showed him the slideshow that the program emailed to me last week of their first 2 weeks of school. He enjoyed seeing all his new friends and he didn't even reach for the keyboard once. He was so enthralled with the show. So hopefully that helped him ease into the day today.

I was so upset after dropping him off last week that I was hyperventilating. and J is right. He has to work through it. My baby is growing up and it's our jobs to help him do that in the most productive way. Only 16 more years to go.

Wierd Wednesday

Today I woke up and I knew it was going to be different. Mom was already in the shower when Dad came to get me out of my bed. He brought me in to say hi and then we went downstairs to eat breakfast. So there we were all eating breakfast together. Wierd. I barely had any time to play upstairs and when Mom came to change-it was awfully early to be getting dressed-I noticed that my outfit wasn't as wrinkly as usual. She must have ironed it-even more strange.

We all left the house together and they took a picture of me in front of our gate. Again, odd for so early in the morning. Dad got in one car. Mom and me in the other and Mom was trying to be all perky and happy although I knew it was an act. She kept talking about something called "school" as if I knew what she was talking about. But that all changed when we walked into that place. I've been there before. Before I could say "jackrabbit" (not that I really talk but) they were out the door while I played with the water table that the new lady showed me. I had a pretty good time. I played some basketball out on the playground and got to color with these pens they had when I was at READ class. They made Mom neurotic because they were messy but she wasn't around to stop me this time so I went to town and showed her for leaving me like that. Every so often I would wonder if she was coming back and got sad. They tried to make me eat fruit and crackers. I wasn't having any of it. Mom obviously forgot to send a snack. Then before I knew it I was being whisked outside with my new bookbag, and a picture of me. Not really sure what that morning was all about but I sure was happy when I saw my mom. I was so relieved she had come back for me that I got a little bit weepy. But I think I was probably happier to see the goldfish she brought for me than anything else. All I can say is, "Done that". I know Mom won't do it again because I heard her talking on the phone, saying how she sobbed all the way home and felt like throwing up. That's good for her. Teach her a lesson.

I am so tired. I really wanted to take a nap but who's to say that she wasn't just going to up and leave again. No way, Jose. No sleeping around here. I'll just stay awake as long as I can. Watch me.

Growing pains

I can breathe easier now. We haven't had internet or cable service since last Thursday and we finally were able to get the cable people to fix it today. I wasn't really aware how dependent I was on those services until they went out. It's been a frustrating few days. I'm lucky that the Little Buddy doesn't live and die for Sesame Street or any other show for that matter although he does enjoy a bit of Elmo's World every now and again.

A lot has been going on in our world in between now and then and the first day of W's school starts tomorrow. I have a low grade anxiousness that is living beneath my skin. I know it won't go away until after I pick him up tomorrow. I passed another kid in his class on our way into orientation. He was really old looking and was on the floor throwing a tantrum because he didn't want to leave. I am worried. My baby is not only my baby but he will be the baby of the class. I can't stand the thought of older or younger kids, for that matter, pushing him around. I can't stand the thought of him falling off the playground equipment or of him dying of thirst because they only offer juice at snack time, which he doesn't drink. I can't stand the thought of someone else comforting him if and when he cries or of me not being around when something tickles him so much that he belly laughs until he can't breathe.

I can't stand the thought of him growing up...my baby...because that's what he's doing.

The Terrible Twos?

It wasn't that long ago that I was writing about how the Little Buddy laughs at everything. His mood has changed and now he gets cross at almost everything. It changed on a dime and I am not sure why. I am betting that it's a phase and hope it ends soon. If something doesn't please him in the least bit he throws his bottle down, or starts to cry, or waves his hands in frustration (another mom thought that we taught him to sign when he responded to her question in this way) which basically means either go away or you're making me mad. I am having a tough time handling this new mood. I am not sure whether to ignore him or acknowledge his frustration. Neither response seems to work. I know sometimes it is frustration out of not using words, especially when he wants something from the kitchen, but frankly I am tired of guessing if he wants goldfish, raisins, grapes or bananas. I probably should just buck up for a few days and not respond until he talks, let the tantrums run full throttle and maybe, just maybe by the end of it he'll be talking and back to the sweet, laughing, laid back W that we all know and love. (although I will always love him no matter what).

As I get farther into my pregnancy, I worry a bit more about the change in our family. It's perfect right now and the Little Buddy is our life. He is growing up so fast and everyday I hang onto him more. When he sits in my lap I think about how there won't be a lap there much longer and how I have to hold him tight so he won't get up and I can treasure those small moments. When I pick him out of his crib in the morning or after naptime and he hugs me tight and puts his head on his shoulder I think about how my stomach will soon get in the way. and then I get sad. because by the time I have a lap again or no stomach to get in the way he will be too old and too independent to want to sit on my lap. It's kind of bittersweet. I want him to be my baby forever (he will be my baby forever I guess, but you know what I mean) but then that would make me pregnant forever too!