HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I can't believe it's already Halloween. But I can believe that the baby is 3 weeks old although it feels like he should be a year. A girl told me yesterday that it will all get better once he is 3 months. 3 months!!! I have 2 more months of this? I obviously have good and bad days. The bad days are when I am exhausted (I'm always tired) coupled with my stomach really hurting, like yesterday. It's almost like the numbness from the surgery is wearing off inside and now I'm really feeling the pain. The kicker is that I can't take my pain killers with 1 toddler roaming around the house. Today it hurts but it's still morning so it's hard to gage how the day will turn out. We will see.

I'm not sure the LB will enjoy Halloween this year. But he will be an awfully cute pumpkin, if I can get him to wear the costume. He's not much for dressing up. Like father, like son. I'm not either but once I am in costume (No, I'm not dressing up) I always enjoy myself more than I could ever imagine. It's the hassle of finding just the right costume, whether it be Mardi Gras, Halloween or just some random costume party.

I'm hoping that I will get back in gear, here on NolaMom on a regular basis, soon. There is just not much time. Not even to take a shower. Because what little free time I have is not worth wasting on blogging (no offense, I do respect my fans), showering or eating. Sleeping is my priority right now, even if it's only 2-4 hours a day.

The awfulness will end, right?

It's still awful. It really gets bad toward the afternoon when I am broken down from a total lack of sleep. Last night I had J do baby duty while I went to sleep from 7:30 until 9:30. I know it's totally depressing for him to come home to more work and a reheated burnt tuna noodle casserole. But BP slept like a champ last night. I know it was just a fluke but whatever.

It's the nursing that really gets to me. But atleast I am slowly fitting into nonmaternity clothes. I don't want to weigh myself quite yet because I know it will just depress me but I CANNOT wait to go shopping for cute clothes....in a year. Ha! The beauty of nursing. This time I am doing it more for me than the baby. So selfish, I know but it certainly didn't keep ear infections away from W. I nursed him for 7 months specifically for that reason and look where it got us....5 ear infections and a perforated ear drum later.

We got out yesterday. All 3 of us. I had to. We got out the door, W in his sunsuit, me in flipflops and baby in a skimpy day gown only to find it was freezing cold. So we had to pile back in the house which pissed W off and add sweaters to our ragamuffin wardrobes. We were a sight. Let me tell ya. So we made it to the coffee shop and LO AND BEHOLD there was a party going on! It was packed full of familiar faces and W was so happy to see his buddy and vice versa. Lauren said I looked like I was going to cry and she was right. It took everything I had to suck the tears back in. I don't know if it was because it was so hard just getting 3 minutes down the road or if I was overjoyed to be out and see people much less friendly faces. It was quite the welcoming. I didn't sugar coat this experience though and I must apologize to those who are pregnant or thinking of getting pregnant. It's not all horrible. There is a wonderful, sweet little baby in it for you. But anyway, it was the highlight of our day.

If I knew then what I know now.

I wish I would have known what a piece of cake it was having just the Little Buddy when he was a baby compared to now. I stressed out about every little thing and was anxious all of the time. Was he eating enough? Is he sleeping enough? Too much? Do you have a cold-don't touch him, etc. Now that the new baby is here-yes, finally, the new baby is here which is why I've been away-I long for the days of taking care of just one.

BP was born a big ole baby with a voracious appetite. While W is in the 25th percentile, BP is 95th in height, 75th in weight with humoungous feet-so the doctor says. and if I'm not model skinny by the time I'm done nursing him-I will be sorely dissapointed because I am a feeding machine.

Everyone was right, though. I love him so much. I was worried about it. I knew I would love him, but as much as W? I wasn't sure it was possible. It's different of course because I know W and love him for everything that he is. I intensely love BP but I don't quite know him yet.

The past few days have been rough. I had to have a transverse fly? Ceasarean. I'm not sure that's the correct term but I felt like I was in an episode of Grey's Anatomy and all the residents were excited to see the procedure done. I won't get into gory details but it wasn't fun and I don't think I want to do that again, at all. I finally made it home after going horribly stir crazy at Ochsner. Baptist was an overall better experience but of course I missed the LB too. Then W got sick and the help I have 2 days per week had a traumatic death in the family so J and I have been going it alone. and even though I cry daily I'm very happy. Just...so...tired. J told me more than 5 times yesterday how tired I look-that's when the reality came crashing down around us. I think the thing that really gets me emotional is W. I miss him like I've never thought possible. Yes, he is right here with us but I can't pick him up or play with him much or do all of things that I did for him or that we did together. I miss him. He seems to get it, that there is a new baby in town so he is J's constant shadow.

I'm waiting for this to become the new normal. But I'm becoming impatient. Thanks to everyone who's checked in, brought coffee, delicious casseroles and such. It's been a huge help.

Taco Tuesdays, Wednesdays or Thursdays, Anyone?

The New Baby is almost here and I've just been too preoccupied to write. It's not that I'm not thinking about y'all. I am, along with a million other things.

I just got an article about Taco Tuesday's from a friend. We've been having those alot around here (maybe not necessarily on Tuesdays) and it's a well loved tradition complete with Taco Kits and the such. When my back is not hurting I spice it up with sauteed onion and peppers, freshly grated cheddar cheese and guacamole. Otherwise I just use the Kit and ground beef which is still just as delicious. The plan was to give it up once the New Baby arrived and revert back to our healthy eating habits. It's going to be hard and now that the time is almost upon us I can't promise it will happen. There is nothing like a good ole greasy ground beef hard corn El Paso taco. It's about American as Hamburger Helper and I'm proud to be an American.

Are you tired?

I know it's a little too late but for a split second today I thought, what are we doing? Are we ready for another baby? W was up all night last night, coughing, with hives. I held him as I was propped up uncomfortably on pillows. He coughed so hard at one point that he threw up. We all finally went to sleep around 4 and we woke up at 7:15. It's wierd how you don't mind while you are in the moment. It's the time before he wakes up that I am anxious. I just had a feeling it would be one of those nights. So I wasn't sleeping well anyway. But once we were up and I was rocking him the only thing I was worried about was the LB.

While I was up holding him last night I figured I would be about 42 years old before we could possible sleep in again, both J and I. It makes me tired thinking about it. I'm tired.

Then I watched John and Kate plus 8 tonight. They have twins and sextuplets. I can't watch it anymore. I get too depressed for them. I think I'm tired?

But really, I am very happy to be having another baby. I so excited but I can't help but think I will miss the family we have now. The three of us, hanging out, being us, because we're good together. I can only pray that the four of us will be good together, too.