Wednesday, October 17, 2007

If I knew then what I know now.

I wish I would have known what a piece of cake it was having just the Little Buddy when he was a baby compared to now. I stressed out about every little thing and was anxious all of the time. Was he eating enough? Is he sleeping enough? Too much? Do you have a cold-don't touch him, etc. Now that the new baby is here-yes, finally, the new baby is here which is why I've been away-I long for the days of taking care of just one.

BP was born a big ole baby with a voracious appetite. While W is in the 25th percentile, BP is 95th in height, 75th in weight with humoungous feet-so the doctor says. and if I'm not model skinny by the time I'm done nursing him-I will be sorely dissapointed because I am a feeding machine.

Everyone was right, though. I love him so much. I was worried about it. I knew I would love him, but as much as W? I wasn't sure it was possible. It's different of course because I know W and love him for everything that he is. I intensely love BP but I don't quite know him yet.

The past few days have been rough. I had to have a transverse fly? Ceasarean. I'm not sure that's the correct term but I felt like I was in an episode of Grey's Anatomy and all the residents were excited to see the procedure done. I won't get into gory details but it wasn't fun and I don't think I want to do that again, at all. I finally made it home after going horribly stir crazy at Ochsner. Baptist was an overall better experience but of course I missed the LB too. Then W got sick and the help I have 2 days per week had a traumatic death in the family so J and I have been going it alone. and even though I cry daily I'm very happy. Just...so...tired. J told me more than 5 times yesterday how tired I look-that's when the reality came crashing down around us. I think the thing that really gets me emotional is W. I miss him like I've never thought possible. Yes, he is right here with us but I can't pick him up or play with him much or do all of things that I did for him or that we did together. I miss him. He seems to get it, that there is a new baby in town so he is J's constant shadow.

I'm waiting for this to become the new normal. But I'm becoming impatient. Thanks to everyone who's checked in, brought coffee, delicious casseroles and such. It's been a huge help.

3 comments:

motherofg said...

well, i think you look great.

Nola said...

Congratulations!!! I am a new mom and can't imagine the feelings you have about "missing" your first born--it really must be so sad. But I DO know that no-sleep feeling. Just keep in mind that it does not last (too) long. Once baby is a bit older and W can relate with his little sibling, you'll wonder how you ever went without both of them.

Hang in there and get all the help you can get your hands on!

Congrats again!!!

Wendy said...

Congrats!!

I am here, after having our new member 20 months ago, to tell you that is will get better. It is hard to tell in those first few days, because you are sore and taking care of an infant. Let's face it, all infants are demanding and not a treat all the time. However, when he is older and playing with his brother you will have those moments where you can't remember life without him.

I agree it was much easier to take care of just one, but 2 is better after awhile. We still have problems, but each day is a little better.