Thursday, August 14, 2008

I just read Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life Boys and I want to read it again. But there is one section that made me cry )if you haven't gotten it by now I cry ate everything) and I think it will stick in my brain forever. It is the section “Dan with Mom: Making Room for Other Relationships”. Dan said his mom “maintained a respectful demeanor through my high school experimentations with romantic relationships, and she maintained this poise even well in to my college days, even though I knew she had strong negative reactions to some of my more politically strident, counterculture girlfriends.”

He never knew about her feelings about his girlfriends until after he got married. When he ended any relationship she never questioned him. “When I asked her about all of this recently, when I told her that I appreciated how she had handled my relationships with my girlfriends, I was again a little surprised by what she had to say: “When I realized that all I would ever have was sons, I figured that I needed to get along with whomever you married or I could lose you. You know the old saying: ‘A daughter’s a daughter for all of her life, but a son is a son ’til he marries a wife,’” she said. “I didn’t want that to happen.”

“And so she had maintained her calm through the years and the girlfriends, offering a reliably nonjudgmental response with only slight variations-never a cheering section, never a harsh judgment. She made it clear, though never in words, that the girlfriends I had were my choices-not hers-and that if she was biased in her sentiments, she was simply in favor of me.”

This section really hit home with me. I think because I am already ready to hate any little you- know-what who is not good enough for my boys. I am kind of joking but hardly. And when I read this I just knew I had to quickly change my perspective because I will just die if I lose my little buddies. And I know it will be my fault.

Now of course when I see my Little Buddy with sweet girls like this, it will be a softer blow.

I have tried my best to correctly quote the authors of the book. It’s been awhile since I have taken a writing class so I was just trying to remember how to do all of that. I have a great respect for them and don’t want anyone to think that I am taking credit for writing anything above.

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