Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Dear W,

Dear W,
I don't even know where to start. How to tell you that you are the best Little Buddy around except to just say it. You are the best Little Buddy around. Today you were a brave LB and I'll tell you why. I heard the fear in your voice. We talked about going to your swim lessons this morning and you were scared.

"No, I don't want to go swimming."

I heard it and I knew, but as your mom it's my job to know when to push you. I don't always know but I try and I feel strongly about swimming so I pushed it. Well, really I bribed you. McDonald's french fries if you were a big boy at swimming. The currency wasn't obviously buying the fear away from you.

"I don't want McDonald's french fries."

Either the currency wasn't big enough or the fear was too big. Turns out the currency wasn't big enough.

"Okay. 2 chocolate treats", I said.
"I will give you not 1 but 2 chocolate treats if you stand on the platform and act like a big boy in the pool."

"I can do that", you said.

and you did and I was so proud. SO PROUD! because I saw your fear. I saw the fear in your eyes as you stood there afraid in the pool but acting like a big boy. and the day just got better. until the day was almost ended. and everyone was tired and hungry and tired of the potty training and more than anything, tired of acting like a big boy. I know. I know you can't do it all the time. This big boy thing. It's hard. Kind of like this Mommy thing. It's hard and sometimes I forget that the big boy thing is just as hard, if not harder, than this Mommy thing. I am sorry. I am sorry that I yelled. I am sorry that I made you sad and I am sorry that the day ended that way. I love you so much that you take my breath away. I am sorry.

So my promise to you is this. I will remember this day and I will remember my Little Buddy trying so hard. I will, more than anything, remember how I yelled. and I will know that you owe me one. So those times when you yell at me years down the road like I know you will, I will know that you deserve to do it because you owe me one. You owe me one, Little Buddy.

Love bunches,

1 comment:

-e said...

that was beautiful and made me tear up.